Eliminate the Standing Army

Supply Reclining Lawn Chairs to State Militia

The founding white male patriarchs who created the US Constitution as a compact with slavery resolutely opposed the establishment of a standing army. Thomas Jefferson described a standing army as "an agent of oppression." James Madison wrote that "A standing military force, with an overgrown Executive will not long be safe companions to liberty." Nevertheless, the United States has maintained a large standing army since World War Two. The US Army must be getting awfully tired after standing for more than seventy years. I propose that the United States' standing army be eliminated and replaced with lounging state militias.

A well rested militia, being necessary to the security and comfort of a free state, should be amply supplied with reclining lawn chairs, preferably set up on shady hilltops with a nice light breeze. With a cool, refreshing beverage on one side and their trusty muskets laying in the grass on their other side, civilian militia members should remain free to relax as they wait in a state of eternal vigilance, ready to repel a possible invasion of Canadian hordes bent on taking over our coffee shops.